I’m trying to write this whilst I’m seething with rage at the audacity of some blokes. I’ve just had a 2 hour chat with my housemate about boys and their games. The more I talk to people (of any gender) the more I am filled with dread about the state of modern dating. The bottom line is, no one owes anyone any loyalty. So they basically do whatever the hell they like. I know girls can be just as bad as boys, I can be absolutely savage myself. But at least I am honest and I just tell people what is going on in my head.
Guys will happily lull you in with a false sense of security then drop you like a sack of shit once they’ve reaped the benefits. Educate yourself on the DENNIS system:
D- Demonstrate value: they make you feel like you’re important to them and prove they are a good person
E – Engage physically: they take you on a date and you shag
N- Nurture dependence: they continue with the niceties for a bit to keep you sweet
N- Neglect Emotionally: contact dips a bit and they seem less engaged with you
I- Inspire hope: you confront them and they say ‘I’m just going through some stuff’ or ‘the distance is a bit too much for me’ this is usually where you have sex again
S- Separate entirely: they make their excuses and leave, or just straight up ghost you
Sound familiar? It’s becoming more and more apparent that girls just don’t know the warning signs of a fuckboy, so I’m gonna set the damn record straight. Girls, get your pens and notepads out because here are my top warning signs that you need to YEET a boy outta your life.
- Talking about sex. Now this may seem like an obvious one but my god, the amount of people that don’t pick up on certain conversations is shocking. If a boy straight up talks about having sex with you/with anyone – this means things like when they last had sex (a clear sign they are thinking about it). Or telling you what they like in bed, etc. Newsflash hun, they want to bang, and chances are they aren’t looking for much more than that.
- They invite you to their house for the first date/meet. It’s called ‘dating’ not ‘meeting at houses’ if a guy can’t even be bothered to take you for a £4 pint, then he ain’t shit. ‘Oh, but he just wants to hang out, he’s told me he doesn’t expect anything’. He may not want or expect sex the first time, but the fact that you’ve been so willing to go round to their house when they have put minimal effort in gives them an indication of how easy it’ll be to get you into bed. Henny, you are worth more than a guy that wont even leave the house to meet you.
- Sending pictures. Again, another easy one…or so you’d think. If you haven’t met a guy or have met them once and not slept with them, then they could not be any clearer on their intentions from that point forwards. Guys, I can honestly tell you that dick pics really don’t do a lot for girls. That’s like knowing what your surprise birthday present is before you unwrap it…building tension is sexy. Guys send pictures because they either get off on it, or want them back. If a guy shows you his dick, he’s showing his true intentions. ‘I never do this usually’ is the most bullshit excuse I’ve ever heard, guys will chat a lot of shit to get what they want. Trust me daddy.
- Making excuses. Guys will often get their excuses in early so they can cash in on it at a later date. For example, you chat to a boy that lives an hour away, he mentions it’s a trek but assures you he’s still willing to make the effort. It’s 60 miles hun, I’m not on Mars. If he brings this up at the beginning then he can fall back on it later so it’s easier to cut you off. If a guy makes excuses then he’s not committed, be aware and don’t give yourself away too easily.
- Snapchat. The fuckboy token app. If a boy asks for your Snapchat then they want to bang, straight up. If you want to chat and get to know someone better you exchange numbers, simple as. Why do guys use Snapchat? Because there’s no evidence, they can send bulk messages to girls, and it’s easy to get nudes. If a guy asks for my SC I know exactly what they want and I know exactly what to expect…pictures of them in bed (usually topless) saying ‘can’t sleep’. A generic message he’s sent out to hundreds of girls to get replies. It makes him feel wanted. If your man can’t even commit to a Whatsapp conversation then is he gonna be commited to you? The answer is no.
- *Bonus addition* They swear blind they aren’t a fuckboy. You know when someone is guilty but they will argue otherwise until they are blue in the face because they have a guilty conscience…well, that’s what fuckboys do. If you’re innocent then you won’t get offended.
Now I’m sure guys will read that and think ‘what is she on about, I do that and I’m not a fuckboy’. But riddle me this, are you here for a good time or here for a long time? If it’s the former and you’re prying on women’s emotions to get that then you my friend are a fuckboy. I have had many a run in with the above and it can be mutually beneficial, but most of the time it makes you feel like shit because you get emotionally involved. If that does happen then DO NOT beat yourself up about it. We all fall for people, we all get invested in people who we barely know. It happens to everyone, you aren’t a mug and you aren’t stupid. Boys know exactly what they are doing (most of the time) and it doesn’t matter how well you think you’re getting on, you will never be the one to ‘change’ them.
I’m not saying all men are like this, BUT as I said, it’s becoming so clear to me that some girls aren’t as savvy about fuckboys as others. They let this stuff slide because it seems ‘in context’ or they are used to it and that HAS TO STOP. The whole reason I write this blog is to educate women to stop them normalising this abhorrent behaviour because calling out men will not work. They don’t care and they will not change. Educate yourself, be savvy and for God’s sake stop sending nudes, you know guys will buy that shit, right?