How Not To Write A Tinder Bio

A few weeks back I was having a discussion with a friend about what his tinder profile should say. I said it should be something mildly self deprecating and equal parts hilarious. I then realised that I seldom ever read the bios of guys on the app unless I match with them and we get to talking. This then led me to start paying closer attention to guys profiles and…well, some of you guys are really quite the wordsmiths. I’m pulling together a little list of how not to write your bio. **just a heads up that there is some mild nudity further down so avert your eyes if you are sensitive to that sorta shit**

Most of you will know by now that I think all men are trash until proven otherwise, and the best indication of whether someone is worth your time on dating apps is by reading their bio. Now, I wouldn’t go picking at other people’s without letting you all scrutinize mine.

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I believe a little self deprecation goes a long way. I’m completely honest about the fact that I don’t go to the gym or have any interest in it. I also mention that I drink too much (the kind words of my mother), this usually spurs men on to ask me out for a drink. The drinking is really important in a date situation because it means there is no commitment. If I am having an awful time I can leave after one drink, if I’m having a great time I can stay and probably get drunk. Yes, the photo is fairly fruity, but I hate using old photos and I have reset my tinder so much that I’m sure guys are sick of seeing that one photo of me I always have as my main image! I wanted to switch things up a bit. Obviously have to put my Instagram on there because my stories are fire, my memes are dank and my selfies are okay.

  1. Now, it’s no surprise that most men will put their height on their profile, begrudgingly I might add. I actually quite like knowing someone’s height as it saves me having to awkwardly ask in the form of a joke ‘what do you call a guy under 5ft 10?’…’a friend’. Height is important to me as I am 5ft 8 and I don’t want to feel like their older sister or mum. When writing your height in your bio, be honest, if you’re only 5ft 5 and think its a deal breaker then tell the world. Don’t be like these guys…
How To Write A Tinder Bio 1
Well, now I know all there is to know about dear sweet Ronik, better swipe right.
How To Write A Tinder Bio 2
Well, at least he’s honest…

2. Everyone loves a joke, I am partial to a Dad joke/pun myself…in fact, it’s pretty much a guaranteed way to hook me into a conversation with you. Why not show your sense of humour on your profile, a quick witty sentence which really shows your great sense of humour.

How To Write A Tinder Bio
Hahahaha…oh, wait…is he joking? Shall I avoid?
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I actually love how cringey this is, but it barely works when your main punchline is about your name being difficult to pronounce when it’s literally 3 letters long. But, good effort, 7/10.
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I basically have no words for this one. I equal parts love it and hate it…is it possible to genuinely laugh and cringe simultaneously?

3. Shout about any special skills and interests you have. If you once ran 7 marathons in a week then you bloody earned the right to scream about it! My biggest accomplishment is that I sleep 14 hours a day, and if that doesn’t impress you then I don’t know what will. If your skill is niche, then it could be the perfect opportunity for a conversation to be started.

How To Write A Tinder Bio 5
Now, correct me if I’m wrong….but I’m 110% certain this is a reference to eating pussoir. Congratulations mate, you and 99.9% of the worlds male population have something in common.

4. It’s probably only fair that if you make your intentions clear for the site if it’s for anything other than dating. I often appreciate when a guy writes that he’s only in the country visiting and is looking for ‘fun’, makes it much easier to decide to swipe left. Maybe try not to be as full on as these guys though…

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I’m not even entirely sure if this was written by a human adult….either that or they literally let their penis type for them
How To Write A Tinder Bio 7
I am lost for words tbh. I actually see loads of profiles like this and I often wonder if it ever works.

5. Now the last example (sorry Mum, Dad, Granny, everyone) brings me onto pictures. You can’t have a successful profile without pictures! Some people don’t even bother writing a profile…well, they do say a picture speaks a thousand words.

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…DOES THIS EVER WORK?!
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Well, at least he’s trying

So long story short, be descriptive about yourself, girls like knowing your height. It sucks for you if you’re not 6ft+ but wouldn’t you rather not invest your time on someone who is going to ignore you after meeting and discovering you’re only 5ft 6? Be funny but make sure your jokes make sense, a dad pun is always recommended. Let a girl know your intentions…if you’re buggering off for 4 months then let a gal know! Finally, choose good pictures, but that’s a whole other kettle of fish that requires a separate blog post tbh.

That was a whirlwind of emotions. Again, I apologise for the nudity, but I’m just trying to give you all the best chances of finding your one true love. Hopefully now you’re fully equipped with all the information you could possibly need to enter the world of tinder. I honestly cannot fathom what some of these guys must be thinking when they are writing their bios. I’m certain girls can be equally as bad, but again, I don’t match women and I rarely see the opposite side of tinder.

If you have any other disastrous bios that you’d like to share then PLEASE send them over to me on Instagram. I love seeing them and like I said, I don’t look at profiles enough if I’m honest.

2 thoughts on “How Not To Write A Tinder Bio”

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