Sex on the first date is always going to be a taboo subject even in 2018. I wanted to conduct some (albeit ropey) research on whether my generation deemed it acceptable to sleep with someone on the first date. I hosted an Instagram poll on my page to decipher what the answer was, and well, it was fairly inconclusive. 51% of people said that they would sleep with someone on the first date with only 28% of those people being female. With 63% of all voters being male I decided to further probe my followers to find out what their views were on girls that put out on the first date.
I asked a handful of guys and a couple of girls a series of questions which would hopefully help me unveil the truth behind sleeping with someone on the first date. This includes guys that I have met and slept with at various stages of dating.
*This includes my own honest answers and opinions so if you don’t want to know about my dating/sex life then avert your precious eyes.*
Do you expect a girl to sleep with you on the first date?
Surprisingly the answer was a resounding no with the odd comment around ‘only if we’ve agreed to it’ which is a whole other issue I’ll address elsewhere. This honestly surprised me considering some of the conversations I’ve had with guys on dating apps recently. Perhaps my wording wasn’t right for this question. Really, I wanted to know whether these people were meeting up with the intention of sex. I think there’s a clear difference between a date and a hook up, especially for guys. In this instance I was merely referring to meeting anyone on a one to one basis, a date. Most guys said what we would all love to hear, that they would never expect a girl to do anything on a date, not even kiss! Again, a huge shock to me considering my own experiences.
I personally have definitely at least prepared myself for sex on a first date. I am only human, and I don’t really go on dates because I’m looking for a boyfriend. For a woman it’s much easier to get what you want, this is based off of personal experience and off of feedback I’ve had from guys. It’s unlikely a guy will turn you down for sex, but they might not stick around afterwards. That’s not me saying I can get laid when I want and by whom I want, far from it. I have however not struggled to get dates and to be taken home (insert comment about guys not being fussy). It’s the aftermath that you have to deal with. Feeling kind of shitty and knowing the guy won’t speak to you again. Or, they’ll try too hard to speak to you and put you right off.
Would/did you expect to sleep with me on the first date?
This one was an interesting one and was received as a ‘loaded’ question. I was curious to find out the truth as the way guys act towards me makes me feel like I am ‘asking for it’. The answer was almost a resounding no. There was a ‘I thought it might happen’ and a straight up ‘yes’ which is to be expected. Funnily enough, the guy who said yes was one person I honestly was adamant I wouldn’t sleep with. Overall, I don’t need to worry about how I’m coming across…for the moment.
How often would you say you sleep with a girl on the first date?
Looking at all the answers as a whole we are looking at guys sleeping with about 25% of girls they meet on a first date. Unless you’re the one lucky guy who gets it ‘almost every time’. I would say I sleep with around 80% of guys on the first meet (based off of my most recent dating experiences). Again, this depends on why you are meeting these people and if you actually have any intentions other than a shag.
This question is entirely situational, if you meet with someone and the date goes well and you are more inclined to sleep with someone immediately then your conversion rates will be higher. All in all, it seems like the guys who have answered are pretty genuine and don’t tend to meet with girls strictly for sex. Maybe I should’ve asked some of my lovely Tinder creeps.
Would you continue to date a girl who slept with you on the first date?
100% said yes they would continue to date someone. Again, this is highly dependent on how well the date went and whether you were compatible. But broadly speaking men wouldn’t just stop dating a girl because they’d had sex.
I’ve often been led to believe that if a girl sleeps with you on the first date then she’s not ‘girlfriend material’. I think it’s fair to say some guys still definitely still live by this, but as far as my questionnaire was concerned this was not the case. Perhaps my control group were too polite, or maybe this stigma isn’t as real as we all once believed. I know for a fact that some guys still think this and even tell girls about it…then still try to sleep with them!
Does it put you off a girl if she sleeps with you immediately?
Would you believe it, a full house of ‘no’s’ again. It would seem that despite what us females think, we aren’t actually painted with a giant red A once we’ve slept with someone. An interesting comment of ‘as long as she’s not slept with loads of guys before’ was added to one of the answers. My opinions on that matter are incredibly strong considering I dated guys who had slept with 10x the amount of people I had and I didn’t pass any judgement. We need to stop focusing on numbers as a way to judge someone’s sexual etiquette. Sleeping with lots of people once or twice doesn’t make you good at sex, and sleeping with only a select few doesn’t make you frigid or bad in bed. I had only slept with 4 people 3 months ago, that number is substantially different now but does it make me a slut – fundamentally, no.
I was always joked about in college as being the ‘frigid slut’ because I would be really crude and forward but never touch or sleep with anyone. It genuinely gave me a complex that I’d just never have sex. But I still waited until I was with someone that I felt comfortable with. I never had a ‘slutty’ University phase because I was in a relationship and had no interest. So until I was 23 I had only slept with 4 guys. Now, the number is higher, mostly because I told myself that I needed to ‘up my numbers’ because at 24 I thought ‘4 guys is not enough’. No one told me I needed to do that, I felt obliged to as everyone else I knew were way into double figures. I felt like I needed to ‘catch up’. If I told a guy that I’d slept with 13 people they wouldn’t bat an eyelid, if I told them I’d slept with 9 of them over the course of 8 weeks he’d probably start to ask questions. So really, numbers are redundant.
Do you talk to girls after you’ve slept with them?
So, it was predominantly a yes answer. One guy said ‘not usually but I will if they contact me because that’s rude.’ Oh boys, dear sweet stupid boys, it takes 30 seconds to type a message to let a girl down and it’s far nicer than just ghosting them. Here, I’ve written a template for you…
‘Hey, so (insert day) was fun. I’m just going to be completely honest though because it’s only fair, I don’t think we should see each other again because I feel like I’d be stringing you along. I’m really sorry I just thought it would be better if I told you.’
Knowing my luck someone will use this line on me now. You probably don’t even mean it, but it stops you looking like a total ass hat and could potentially save you having your name dragged through the mud by the female community. Yes, we compare notes with each other.
Now speaking personally, I can say I have not been contacted by at least 3 guys I’ve slept with on the first date. It’s usually fine, but then you might run into them in public and get ignored, or you swipe right to them on Tinder for the lols and don’t match. That’s what makes you feel like you’re disposable and unimportant. I almost expect guys not to talk to me again, and that’s not how it should be. Needless to say I’m choosier about whom I sleep with now. I had my stint in the pump and dump club and I’m over it.
Now obviously you can do WHATEVER you want with your sex life, just be safe. It really doesn’t matter what people think of you as long as you’re happy. But based off my extensive and professional research it’s highly unlikely that a guy will judge you for putting out, well, that’s any adult man anyway. You’ll still get the odd fuckhead who sees you as an achievement or a number. Perhaps spend longer getting to know someone before you make the leap into bed if you’re concerned about how you come across.
If you do choose to sleep with someone and they don’t contact you then don’t chase them just for closure. You are a QUEEN and don’t need male clarification, we all make mistakes, we are only human. Again, do what you want, but please be safe, share your location with friends, only go home with someone if you really want to, and if it is your first date then meet on mutual ground! If a guy doesn’t contact you again then BOY BYE, they aren’t worth your time anyway.